More than Friends and Distance

Today I was talking with my friend and I couldn't believe that the situation of being more than friends and distance is so common. By the time we were done with our conversation, I felt like I had to let people know how this kind of situation/relationship starts and how it works.

Note: I will refer to this as situation,relationship or both. Don't get confused.

What's a being more than friends and distance situation? And why is distance the main problem here?

Well, I guess by now we all know what friends with benefits means and how that deal works. If you think this is the same thing well let me tell you that you are quite wrong. This kind of situation/relationship is pretty much a fantasy that takes place with a friend that you will never expect to be more than a friend even if you like him. You pretty much start texting, sending pics, and even video calling each other. The thing is that at the end you guys are pretty much friends with benefits but never get to something because the possibility of seeing each other is like 1 in a 1000000. And by the time you realize you need to stop it basically you don't want to because you really like the girl or the guy.

How do I know when I'm in this situation?

I gonna proceed to tell you the main things that characterize the situation. First, if you are always talking to this person, I mean like 24/7, and you always find something to talk about when you normally talked like once a year (that's always the first signal that this situation will take place sooner than later). Second, if you normally don't talk about your personal stuff with this person and within a month you tell each other everything. Also, if you guys start talking about how cute you will look together and that you like each other then you are totally in this situation. But I think the main thing that you need to pay attention to is, that this might seem just like a normal friend relationship until you get to the part that you talk about a future together. That's exactly the moment when you feel like you just can't stop because you feel good about it.

What can I do if I want to stop this situation?

I think this is the main question we ask ourselves after we realize what's going on. I personally think that this part varies depending on the person. I would recommend that you analyze the situation and think about what do you get by doing this, if it worth it. After you do this, of course you need to talk to the other person and explain him/her how you feel and why you guys should stop this. I can guarantee you that the other person will want to keep the relationship and will convince you to don't stop it and in the case he/she doesn't convince you they will let some time pass and then they will try to get you back on it and you will not even realize it.

What can I do if I don't want to hurt his/her feelings?

This depends totally on you. When you talk about stopping the relationship you have to make sure you get your point across and that also makes total sense. If it doesn't then the other person might take it wrong and make a big deal about it and in the worst case make you change your mind and keep the relationship going. Just like a typical kind of boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

What can I do if I don't want it to stop?

Honestly if you don't want to stop it you don't have to. We always like to feel loved by a person we appreciate and feel something for and that's ok. The thing is after all this is not good for you. You might start confusing reality with fantasy and that's a huge NO. But if you think you can separate both then go on for it. You know yourself, you know what you are able to handle.

An exception in this situation

As we all know there is always an exception to each situation. In this case, the exception is not a pleasurable at all. This kind is characterized because the people involved can actually see each other. In other words, distance is not the main problem in here. They talk about a future together, like hanging out and etc. but at the end one of them never tries to make it true (most of the time the guy). This person is the one who always or most of the time text first and ends up the conversation. They make you feel loved, like they care but at the end you start thinking about the relationship and you see that they are just like playing with your feelings. The worst part of it is that after an amazing day talking about what you two have, the person basically stops texting you for like days and even weeks and he/she doesn't even care if you see him/her online on Facebook, or if you know he/she gets in Whatsapp a thousand times a day and just doesn't have time to answer your text. By know you are totally hooked and you can't do anything about it. You may feel impotent because you want to get over that person but every time he/she texts you everything starts all over again. Here is my advice, just try to make the situation easier on you. Find a way to stop thinking about that person, when he/she texts you don't answer if you don't feel like you are prepared to have a normal conversation like normal friends have, give each other time to think, and if that person asks for an explanation tell him/her the truth about how are you feeling. I know is easy for me to say but it is the right thing to do if you want to stop feeling like that. It might hurt to be honest but keeping all to yourself will hurt even more.

Things I recommend you to do and consider ....

• Avoid sexting as much as you can. The more intimate you get the harder is to say good-bye.
• When someone ask you if you have something just say you are friends. You don't have to explain anyone if you don't feel like it. Is your life not theirs.
• Talk to a friend you trust about it. Is always good to have an outsider give you his/her opinion once in a while. Also they might give you good advises at the moment of making a decision. But remember you always have the last word.
• Always keep it real. Be honest and always talk about how distance affect what you guys have. Less reality = more attachment. 
• At some point, you might even feel jealous if this person mentions someone else. So try to keep your conversations about you guys.
• NEVER try to escalate by having a real relationship unless distance stops being a barrier between you guys. That's like buying yourself some long nights of crying.
• And the most important thing is that you might control how far things go but your feelings, that's something you will never decide because feelings are just feelings after all there is nothing you can do about it.